Gemini

It is said that you are curious about everything and highly adaptable. Actually, it is a lack of profundity and consistency that characterizes you. You are absolutely unable to focus on anything, and your intellectual process is very superficial.

Everything you say is totally uninteresting. It’s just hot air in any case. You don’t believe a single word you utter, and you forget everything you say a few minutes later. You hop from one subject to another to carry out a conversation in order to appear knowledgeable and interesting. However, it is quite clear that, under your scholarly veneer, you are a mediocre and shallow person.

You have no emotions and no compassion. You resemble an intelligent robot, which repeats what it has been taught, or what it has experienced, without thinking by itself.

Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it’s more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you’re finished reading this sentence.

Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags.

A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses. Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well.

Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for “I’m okay, I’m okay.” Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub.

Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.

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