Taurus

You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you’re up, the next you’re down, the next you’ve shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, “just ‘cuz.”.

You’re very earthy, which may mean that you don’t shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh.

Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general.

Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts. The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best.

All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries.

You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won’t come out from under the bed.

Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can’t get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren’t for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn’t know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right.

Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.


“In bullfighting there is a term called querencia. The querencia is the spot in the ring to which the bull returns. Each bull has a different querencia, but as the bullfight continues, and the animal becomes more threatened, it returns more and more often to his spot.

As he returns to his querencia, he becomes more predictable. And so, in the end, the matador is able to kill the bull because instead of trying something new, the bull returns to what is familiar. His comfort zone.”
– Carly Fiorina

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